In hospitality, we often find ourselves juggling operations, guest experience, and team dynamics. Sometimes, despite years of experience and dedication, a team member might lose the spark that keeps your venue thriving. When that happens, having a hard conversation becomes necessary — and it’s never easy.
I recently had to have one of these challenging conversations with a server who has checked out – their tasks get done, but the hospitality is gone…
And just letting that slide is a quick path to a toxic working environment for the team. It NEEDS to be addressed.
Here’s how I approach these conversations with respect, clarity, and the goal of re-igniting the passion that brought them into hospitality in the first place.
1. Set the Stage with Empathy & Positive Notes
Start by acknowledging the team member’s contributions. The positive reviews, the consistent accomplishments, the reliability. There are always positives (and if there’s not, then you might need to think really carefully about why this person is part of your team).
2. Be Direct but Compassionate
Address the issue clearly: “I’ve noticed the energy and vibe during shifts feels different lately. You’ve stated yourself that you aren’t enjoying yourself and we need to learn how to help.” Use specific examples, not judgments, to avoid defensiveness. Remember, this is a hard conversation, but not an accusation.
It’s human nature to want to defend yourself in these conversations, focus on providing objective points and be ready for the other sides emotions to rise. As a leader, it’s up to you to maintain the tempo of the conversation and not let their reaction escalate the discussion.
3. Ask the Hard Question
Sometimes, the hardest question is the most necessary:
“Do you want to be here?”
This invites honest reflection and opens dialogue about their motivation and goals.
It’s important that they give serious thought here, and that you provide the space for an honest answer.
4. Listen Actively
Give them space to share their perspective without interruption. Understanding their feelings helps you both find solutions.
Given the right opportunity, most staff will dig into WHY they’re feeling this way and what’s getting in the way of a healthier working environment. And the ones that don’t are letting go of an opportunity to improve the environment for themselves and their teammates.
5. How Can We Help?
Remind them gently that hospitality isn’t just about efficiency or habits — it’s about creating a connection, a feeling guests crave. But as a team member, they also aren’t alone.
Building an environment that is dedicated to taking care of staff should be paramount – because at the end of the day, staff who are taken care of will pass that feeling and care onto their (your) guests.
6. Collaborate on Next Steps
Work together to identify what they need to feel engaged again, whether it’s training, support, or a new role. Set clear, achievable goals, and timelines to match.
These should not be lofty, month long plans. I want progress within a week to make sure I don’t lose momentum.
7. Follow Up
Schedule a follow-up meeting to check progress and continue the conversation if needed.
Do NOT skip out on this step – it’s arguably the most important one. The follow-up instills accountability and a sense of progress. Without it, it’s all too easy to slip back into the same routine again.
A Final Thought
Hard conversations are uncomfortable but necessary.
Ignored, they can become the seed for toxicity and malcontent.
But approached with care and honesty, they can be transformative—for your team and your venue.
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